Tuesday, July 3, 2012

The Why

I like to shower at night for a number of reasons.  First and foremost, I am NOT a morning person.  Having a child has not changed that part of me in the least!  Secondly, I find showering in the evening helps me wind down from the day and it’s my own personal "me" time.  I enjoy a bath from time to time, but showering for me is where it’s at!

So, last night, in the shower, I was shaving my legs for the 3rd time this week, and I thought to myself, Why?  I absolutely hate shaving my legs!  Whoever decided that women need to be hairless was a.) probably a man, and b.) no friend of mine!  Typically, I shave when I know I’m going to be wearing something that will show my legs the next day, and heaven help my poor husband during the winter, but this week, 3 TIMES! 

I thought to myself, why do I care if my legs are shaved, or if I put on make-up, or if I actually wear clothes that look good on me.  Charlotte certainly doesn’t care what I look like.  She cares about hugs and kisses, and what kind of trouble she can get into without Mommy noticing. Bubba certainly doesn’t care, he cares about having clean undershirts, and what’s for dinner (maybe hugs and kisses too)!  Friends – nope, hardly get to see them these days.  Co-Workers, nope, we’re all working from home a lot these days, so unless we have a video chat that day, no make-up and ponytail it is!  The outside world – who cares what Joe Schmo thinks about my outfit when I go to Wal-Mart (it’s not like I’m anything near “The People of Wal-Mart”)

So why am I making a big fuss about what I look like?  Is it vain or sinful to care about my physical appearance.  To me, no!  I am doing this to feel better about myself.  I have let myself go for the past few years, even before Charlotte.  I look at pictures from a few years ago (specifically winter of 2009) and I barely recognize myself.  I have lost (or moved) some of the weight from 2009, but in the process have gained nothing in return.  I read a lot of stories about women losing weight and regaining self-esteem or confidence, and I don’t feel like I have much of that any more.  I have never been a hugely outgoing person, and at times can be quite shy, but I also used to have thoughtful conversations, meaningful relationships, and loved being involved. 

Some of this “funk”, as I will now call it, has to do with where we are as a family, and some of it has to do with my attitude.  It’s tough to schedule time around a baby, opposing work schedules, and normal day to day living.  But is it Charlotte’s fault that I don’t go to church on Wednesday nights or Sunday mornings?  No, it’s mine.  Is it’s Real Housewives, Top Chef, and pretty much anything on Bravo’s fault that I don’t go to bed till 11 or 12 at night, YES… I mean, no it’s mine!  Is it Bubba’s fault that I don’t wake up and put make up on, and dress in something other than sweatpants? Nope, still mine.

So, that’s why!  I am doing this for me!  I need to take back possession of my life and make myself accountable for something, and maybe the rest of my life will follow suit.  

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