Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Feeling Guilty

This is a post about breastfeeding, so be forewarned.

Charlotte and I went to our favorite local baby store the other weekend.  This store is what I like to call "crunchy", meaning they promote environmentally friendly items, and their main items are cloth diapers.  While I like to think I know a lot about cloth diapers, every time I step foot in that store I feel like a complete newbie and totally overwhelmed.  But this is not about cloth diapers... I will save that for another post. 

C and I went to the store for a "Baby Wearing" class.  I had tried to time our day so that C would be well rested and fed before we left.  Silly mommy!  C was happy and content as we walked around the store perusing the fluff before the class started, but about 5 minutes before the class started C decided she was done and wanted everyone in the store to know it.  You should have seen the pregnant ladies' faces.  You know the face... "oh dear God, I hope my child won't act like that in public" mixed with "just shut the kid up already."  Another new mother sitting on a couch in the back said innocently, "do you want to sit back here and nurse her?"  I hope she didn't see the daggers that shot out of my eyes!

Let me stop here and fill you in...  Charlotte and I have had a rocky breastfeeding relationship.  Let's just say I have 1 innie and 1 outie, add to that a low supply from the beginning, and that's pretty much what we were up against.  On C's 1 day visit to the pediatrician we were told to start supplementing because she had dropped in weight, and we've been supplementing ever since.  Once I went back to work, my low supply dropped even lower.  I tried everything, nursing more, pumping more, supplements, oatmeal.  Now, at 4 months, Charlotte is pretty much on 100% formula and it breaks my heart.

I knew from the beginning of my pregnancy that I wanted to breastfeed, and I wanted to try and do it until Charlotte was at least 1 year old.  I had done all the research, I knew it was going to be tough being her sole source for nutrition, but I was not prepared for the "speed bumps" and total derailments that came my way. 

I talk to new moms about all things baby, and when the subject of breastfeeding comes along, I hang my head and say we are "part time" nursing.  I want to be the mom that says "Oh it's wonderful, yes, it was hard at the beginning, but it's so worth it now."  I get a lot of "have you tried (fill in the blank)" and "well at least you tried."  And if the pediatrician tells me one more time "that's completely normal" I might lose it!  I mean really, if everything is normal, how do I know when something isn't normal?

I keep thinking to myself, next time I will know what to expect and hopefully things will be different.  My heart aches thinking that I am not doing all I can for Charlotte in these most important few months.  But looking at this little chunker, I know in my heart of hearts, that she is healthy and well loved.

Oh, and a word to the wise, if you are going to breastfeed in public for the first time, practice covering yourself and the baby first.  Even if you are just pretending...

Sunday, August 21, 2011

I call Do-over!

Ok, I think the last three posts all start the same way...  Sorry I've been gone for a bit, etc...  Maybe this time I will mean it!  Only time will tell!

So, some changes have happened since the last post.  Charlotte is growing... FAST!  She's smiling, laughing, "talking", rolling over and eating.  What is she not doing?  Sleeping and pooping... or at least not as much as she should.

What else is new you ask?  Well, we've moved.  While we were very sad to leave our beloved Greenbriar, we are super happy in our new home.  We've gone from a 4 bedroom house with a yard (and a roommate or 2) to a 2 bedroom, 3rd floor apartment!  The dogs are still adjusting to not having their yard, but Bubba, Charlotte and I are loving our own space.  This is the first time that Bubba and I have lived together... ALONE!  Meaning, no roommate!

That's all for now folks... off to try mu hand at some baking, thanks to Pinterest.  Seriously, it's additive!  I'll let you know how it turns out...

oh ps.  Gooo Skins

Follow Me on Pinterest